Dating Woes...Seriously Amusing

So, I know I'm new to this, but I'm thinking I should get one of those blogs that has categories. Ah, well, I'll look into it later. Anyway, this post WILL focus on my dating life as it has been in the last few months. Considering that I've made some friends laugh until they cry with my stories, I hope you enjoy the craziness that has been my dating experience.

First of all, I haven't dated in 10 years, and prior to that, my dating experience was limited. I am pretty much totally new to dating. Or at least I was a few months ago. In the last couple of months, I think I've become a seasoned dater, and I've determined that I don't even like dating! It's exhausting. It's like a constant search for a connection with someone, and that connection is hard to find. Considering I work online, I figured that online dating would be my best approach. Embarrassing? Sure. But when you're home with a toddler all the time, you do what you have to do.

When I registered for Match.com, I had NO idea what I was getting myself into. I'd made a promise going into it that I wouldn't just marry the next person I dated. I wouldn't get into a relationship without seeing what was out there. Well, I signed up one morning and within an hour, I'd gotten an e-mail, and it was from someone I actually had some interest in. We e-mailed all day, until he finally suggested we text instead. I agreed, and gave him my phone number. Sure enough, he texted, and we started communication that lasted for a couple of weeks. At the same time, I was talking to several other people. This whole "dating" thing was totally foreign to me. I've never talked to multiple people at once, but was encouraged by friends that online dating is all about dating multiple people, so I went with it. Anyway, this first guy... I'll call him Evan... There was just something about him. Even via text message, he challenged me and didn't just let me run my mouth like many people do. I knew I wanted to meet him.

We met at a bar, and instantly clicked. I was freaked out. I knew I shouldn't jump into anything, but I couldn't help but be drawn to him! I also really didn't know how the whole dating thing worked, so I slowed down communication with other guys, and focused on him. He said things to me that made me think he was completely into me. I reciprocated. He made me think he needed reassurance that I was interested, talking about past relationships and let downs. I responded...and went totally over the top trying to convince him that I was into him. Looking back, it was WAY too much too fast. But I was just so excited by him. Needless to say, it didn't work. I was a clinger. Stage 5. Yup, that was me! And anybody who knows me well, knows I am far from needy. But I sure didn't behave that way with Evan. Yikes! I did learn my lesson, though. So I continued my search, certain that the chemistry I'd felt with Evan was how I'd feel with the next guy...

The next guy I met was a total flop. People talk about bad dates. Well this guy was a firefighter, which, if you know me, is totally my type. I showed up, and found him sitting at the bar in an orange sweatshirt and jeans that were so close to acid washed it was scary. How was the chemistry? Nonexistent. As much as I like to talk, I like to listen, too, and I did not enjoy talking to myself for an hour and a half while he nodded his head and answered my questions entirely too briefly. The most amusing part of the date was when he walked me to my car and asked if I'd like to go back to his place. Ummm, no. And the search continued.

After my firefighter disaster, I met a great guy, who I'll call Tom. He was wonderful. On our first date, we had a really good time, and a teeny-tiny bit of a spark. I decided to give it a few dates, and see if it would go anywhere. Well here's where the problem developed...apparently going on multiple dates meant (to him) that we were a couple. On the third date, he introduced me to his sister, and started talking about me meeting his son. Ummm....Internal freakout! When he started talking about things months down the line, I'm fairly certain I started hyperventilating.Not cool.  The thing was, I knew he was a great guy. He treated me well, took me on fun dates, and was very attentive. But the chemistry was missing. I didn't feel for him the way I'd felt about Evan. I knew I couldn't lead him on, so I broke it off. Back to the game...

After Tom, I dated a series of guys, including a tattooed elevator repairman who'd already had gastric bypass surgery at the age of 32 (red flag, much?), an entrepreneur, a few military men, a chef, a salesman...the list could go on for a long time. Seriously, I can't even keep track at this point. Clearly they all made an impression. Very few men made it past date number one, and even fewer past date number two. The thing is, even though I knew that several of these men would have made great boyfriends and potential mates, I was missing the spark. I'd never really felt the spark I'd had with Evan before, and I decided I wouldn't settle for anything less than that feeling. I wouldn't settle period. I know people aren't perfect, but I do believe that people can be perfect for each other. So, when I say I won't settle, I mean that I'm looking for a partner. Someone I have chemistry with, who I want to spend time with, who WANTS to spend time with me, who tolerates my imperfections, and someone who loves me for me. Anyway, somewhere in this mess, I met another man, who I thought could have real potential.

When "Eric" first contacted me, I was hesitant. In his profile it said something about how he wants a woman that's fit. I'm in shape, but certainly not tiny. Plus, he was small. His profile claimed 5'5" and that made me hesitant. I'm not a very big person, but 5'5" was pushing the low end of the height barrier for me. I decided I was being superficial, and decided to give him a shot. As we began talking, it was clear that we shared a lot of commonalities. We both have young kids, and they are fairly close in age. He had recently moved to a small town that I lived in when I was a child. There were lots of strange little ties. I wondered... Could he be the one? I enjoyed our conversations, and let the connection grow. Then we met in person. The date went well, but I remember thinking how he was SO small. He made me feel big. I'm a woman, and I like to feel petite when I am with someone. Again, I decided not to be superficial, and agreed to a second date...This is where it gets fun...

We'd agreed to have a playdate with our kids. A playdate. Innocent fun, with two toddlers. Or so I thought. It was all going well. The kids were getting along fairly well. Although, I was slightly put off when he told Charley, "Sharing is caring, Charley." Ummmm, yes, sharing is caring. But the kid yanked that toy out of my kid's hand. She's no pushover. That little guy didn't stand a chance. Little comments like that, and the totally overly enthusiastic sing along he gave to one of Charley's Baby Einstein videos were a little much. Kind of motherly, even. I know he is a single dad, but dude, still act like a man! I was feeling a little bit uncomfortable when he talked about the kids, and how he could see me four times in the upcoming week. I was feeling the pressure, and not in a good way. As the afternoon turned into the evening, I kept waiting for him to go. Imagine my surprise when he ran out to the car and unloaded his overnight bag and Pack'N Play. I about threw up. It was the most uncomfortable I'd ever been. That is, the most uncomfortable I'd ever been until I had to send him packing, along with his son, in the middle of a snowstorm. Have you ever had to do that? It's fun, trust me. Oh wait, I lied. It felt terrible. But the minute he left my house, I was so relieved. When he called me continuously for the next few days, I avoided his calls. He tried any and every excuse to talk to me. That's when it clicked. OMFG... I was Evan's Eric! Well crap, it all made sense to me all of a sudden. I didn't, and still don't want anything to do with Eric. If not for his creepiness, for his bad grammar. My favorite text talked about how he enjoyed "are alone time."  I can't handle such mistakes. Anyway, this man, along with the series of flops, officially scared me away from online dating. I logged off, and haven't been on in nearly 2 months.

That's a brief summary of my dating life over the last couple of months. In my recent experience, I've learned several things about online dating.
1. It sucks. It's overwhelming, and hard to keep up with so many people at once. When you have to start listing people as Mike 1, Mike 2, Firefighter Mike, etc. in your phone, you know it's gone too far.
2. It is a great way to meet people and network.
3. The biggest problem is that most online daters are looking for relationships. That's not a bad thing, because that's what I'm looking for, too. But it can lead people to get carried away. Clinger Syndrome.  I was the clinger once, and only once. I don't make the same mistake twice. I had several guys talk to me about the future after only one date. At first, I might not have thought anything of that. But now, I realize that people say to take it slow for a reason. I want to actually get to know someone, before I'm in a relationship with them. With that said, though I want the spark. I've felt it once, and I want that again. So, the search continues...

Side note: After publishing this post, my good friend Janine reminded me of a particular man who certainly deserves mentioning. She refers to him as the kisser. "Jo" e-mailed me one day, and he was definitely good looking. I decided to give him a shot. We texted and talked on the phone for about a week, before we met up for a drink. I showed up at the restaurant, and the conversation was good, not great. I think it went downhill, when he mentioned living with his parents so he could pay off credit card debt. RED FLAG. Anyway, he seemed like a nice enough guy, and when he walked me to my car he kissed me. This is when the night went from "fine" to a HUGE disappointment. I'm sorry, but any 33-year-old man should know how to kiss. But after climbing into my car, I immediately texted Janine to let her know that he seemed like a nice guy, but I didn't appreciate having my make-up removed and my face swallowed. He pursued me for awhile longer, and I avoided him at all costs. Janine asked me later, what I had said to him about why I wasn't interested. She was disappointed to learn than he'd just gotten the hint, and I hadn't had the opportunity of telling him he ranked in the bottom 2 kissers for me...EVER....that includes when I was in high school. Yeah, he didn't stand a chance.