Finding Balance

I came across this image on Facebook today and it really struck a chord with me. The last few years, making ends meet and taking care of Charley have been pretty much all I've had time to do. Between teaching and coaching, I work about 50 hours a week during the school year and unfortunately that takes a toll on my social life. At times, it's difficult to find enough hours in the day to get all my work done, Charley taken care of, and dishes in the dishwasher. But this summer has been different for me. For the first time in a VERY long time, I've found a great balance and I love it.

When it comes to work, I tend to push myself... A LOT. Given the fact that I've chosen teaching and coaching as my careers, I find myself physically and mentally engaged in something, 90 percent of the time. There's rarely a dull moment in my classroom or the gym, and I legitimately care about the kids I work with in both settings. That's probably part of the reason I get so drained during the school year. I'm emotionally invested in my students, which wears me out. Then I leave the school and head to the gym, and I'm invested in those kids, too! It's no wonder that on the weekends all I can seem to accomplish is housework and getting caught up on sleep.

This summer, I've been kind of spoiled. I basically work 3-4 hours a day at the gym with a group of girls that really WANT to be successful. I've been taking Charley to daycare every day, so I can concentrate on work while I'm at the gym and know she's having fun and getting the mental stimulation she needs. I've said it before and I'll say it again: I'm just not entertaining enough to keep her amused all day long! Sending her to school has contributed to the balance I've found in my life this summer. When I finish coaching, I have several hours before I need to pick her up, which means I have time to run errands... BY MYSELF! Any parent knows the feeling of perusing a store child-free... It's heavenly. Half of the time I don't even buy anything, I just walk the aisles, taking as long as I want to, without being prompted to buy a toy or go home. It's been very relaxing to say the least. I've also had time to clean my house regularly, and my new place has been consistently clean since we moved in (I'm hoping I didn't just jinx myself). It really is nice to walk into a house that's clean, tidy, and comfortable. When I get home, I can just plop down on the couch and relax for awhile and I really enjoy that time.

Another thing I've rekindled this summer is a social life. When I first moved back to Minnesota, I was bouncing between my parents' homes, both of which were extremely close to where my friends lived. That made it easy to keep up with the group of girls I've hung around with my whole life. As Charley and I got settled into a place of our own, and I started working (thus getting into a steady routine), it became more and more difficult to make time for my friends. Between work, Charley, and sleep, I haven't had time for much else. But this summer I've been able to meet friends for coffee, grab lunch, go to the pool, and a number of other things because I've been given the gift of free time. It's something my life has been lacking, and it's pulling me back into balance. I'm generally a positive, happy person, but there's always a certain degree of underlying stress, and I haven't felt that in the last couple of months. It's kind of nice to have found a good balance between work, Charley, me-time, and a social life!

With all of that said, I think what I've learned so far this summer is that balance is important. It's something people always said to me, but I never understood it because I had never experienced it before! For as long as I can remember, I've worked multiple jobs. Working a lot gives me focus and keeps me busy. In the past, I worked a lot because I wanted to keep busy. The last couple of years, I've worked a lot out of necessity. But there really is something to be said for finding a work-life balance. I'm happier. I'm more relaxed. I'm less stressed out. I'm probably a better mom! And honestly, my mindset has changed because I've finally figured out what it means to take time for myself, and prioritize having a social and personal life. So what does this mean, going forward? Obviously, during the school year I'll be working more than 4 hours a day and an increase in my stress level is inevitable. But I think I've figured out that at times I'm going to need to say, "No," when I feel like I'm being stretched too thin. I need to make time wherever I can to maintain and grow my relationships with the people in my life. Because let's be honest, building relationships (with friends, co-workers, family, etc.) makes life a lot more fun!

So, at this point, I'm planning to take advantage of the next few weeks while I'm only working a few hours a day. I'm going to absorb as much me-time as possible, and spend time with the wonderful people in my life! I'm going to spend as much quality time with Charley as I can, and enjoy every minute of it. I'll revel in my newly-found balance and strive to continue to 'make a life,' as I move into the next school year. With that said, it's late and time for bed. Have a great week!

Dear Charley: Summer Edition

It's been awhile since I've blogged, and for once it's not because I haven't had time. Don't get me wrong, Charley and I have stayed incredibly busy since summer started, but I think I pushed myself so hard in the first few weeks of June that I've really needed a few weeks to recover. And by recover, I mean completely detach from anything that requires mental acuity. Except coaching, of course. Ha! Anyway, the summer has been full of fun and much of that fun has been Charley-related. Since it's been so long, I thought I would do a Dear Charley post, instead of trying to catch up on the whole summer thus far. Charley is getting older and becoming increasingly observant, opinionated, sensitive, and overall hilarious. So, I thought I'd share some of my favorite recent Charley moments. Enjoy!



Dear Charley,

I know you are very smart. When I pick you up from school, your teachers are always telling me how well you sound out words. I think it's great that you have a letter of the week, and that you are very enthusiastic in coming up with words that start with each letter both at school and at home. I will admit, however, that I was surprised when you told me, "Mom! We have to do my homework! I need to find some F-words to cut out!" By the time you're reading this, you'll understand why I found that so funny. You said, "F-words," about 15 times this morning. I think it was even more amusing to me, because several years ago when I was working with preschoolers in Las Vegas, the kids were working on letters. One girl tried to correct her friends who had written the wrong letter, and stated, "F, you guys!" The way it came out was different, though. My ears perked up when I heard the sweet, little 3-year-old emphatically state, "F-YOU guys!" Hearing you talk about F-words brought that memory right back. And made me laugh. Thank you for that.

Love,
Mom

Dear Charley,

Speaking of school, I learned that you have a habit of doing something at school that you've recently started doing at home, too. In recent months you've started talking and walking in your sleep. Your teacher told me last week that halfway through nap time, as she was trying to get one of your friends back to sleep, you walked up behind her and just stood there. When she told you to go lie back down, you went to another girl's cot, pushed her off (she was asleep), and decided to try to sleep there. While your teacher thought it was hilarious, she was definitely confused. I laughed when she told me about it, because, as I told her, you were probably sleepwalking. That's something you have in common with your dad. He used to do the same thing! You haven't exactly been sleepwalking at home, but you have been talking in your sleep like crazy. If I hadn't known you were asleep the other night, I would have been insulted when I scooped you up off of the couch (you'd passed out early) and you quietly and matter of factly stated, "You have a huge head," as I placed you in your bed. It's a good thing I'd put you down, because I could only hold in my laughter for about 15 seconds. I'm not sure what this sleepwalking will lead to in the future, but for now...honestly... I'm definitely enjoying it.

Love,
Mom

Dear Charley,

You have lots of friends and I love that about you. You're a social butterfly, and seem to be able to engage both children and adults without much effort. I have just a couple of requests, though. Please do not plan playdates at school and then get mad at me when I inform you that no, we are not hosting a tea party with three of your friends at 5:45pm on a Tuesday. I love having playdates during the week sometimes, but generally those are impromptu meet-ups at the park. I can tell you for future reference that I am not prepared to host full-blown parties during the week. Sorry. Also, I know you're a girlie-girl, and unfortunately for me that appears to involve an interest in boys. Already. When you came rushing into my room after you'd been blowing bubbles on the balcony the other night, I wasn't surprised to hear that you'd met a friend. "Mommy! There's a boy outside! He's 6! I'm going back out to talk to him!" you squealed excitedly. I was a little bit surprised, however,  a few minutes later when you came back inside and I asked you his name. "Oh, I don't know. He told me, but I don't remember," you stated, "Besides, he has a girlfriend." I told you then, and I'll say it again... No boyfriends until you're 25.

Love,
Mom


Dear Charley,

I love that you are so aware of everything going on around you. You both hear and understand every word uttered in your presence. I can't even spell words I don't want you to hear anymore, because you seem to have picked up spelling skills, too. Can I ask you a favor, though? Could you reserve the term 'drunk eyes,' for a time when you are old enough to drink? I know you heard me say that phrase in reference to an unflattering photograph taken several years ago, when we were at Lindsay's wedding rehearsal dinner. But that doesn't mean that every picture in which I am squinting or laughing includes drunk eyes. Just saying.

Love,
Mom

Dear Charley,

I've already written about your notorious ability to pick up, retain, and use embarrassing phrases. I admit, I cringe every time I hear you say, "You know what my mom said?" to someone you're having a conversation with. Generally, I'm pretty safe, but considering the fact that you hear EVERYTHING, I never really know what will be coming out of your mouth. You have a particular skill that impresses me though, probably more than any other thing you can do. At a very young age, you've learned how to compartmentalize your vocabulary. But even though the word fart is a bathroom word, and I've told you that you can only say it in the bathroom, that does not mean you HAVE to use that word (or any of the other words kids use that I have deemed bathroom words) every time you go to the bathroom...particularly if we're in a public restroom. Also, just because you can say the word dumbhead in Nana's car does not mean you can say it in my car. I think it's hilarious that you say, "Mommy, just call him a dumbhead. That's what Nana does," when someone cuts me off while we're driving. I also appreciate the fact that you reserve that phrase for the car in general. But why don't you save that one for Nana's car, okay? Thanks.

Love,
Mom


Dear Charley,

Please do not recite the names of all of the OC and NYC Housewives or Teen Moms at school. That's all.

Thanks,
Mom


Dear Charley,

When you're playing 'waitress,' you play the role well. Really well. You're polite and well-versed in restaurant lingo. I love watching people's faces when you not only ask them what they would like to eat and drink, but also attempt to record their orders on a notepad of some kind. On the 4th of July, you were at the top of your waitressing game, and fortunately for you, a couple of generous adults decided to give you tips. You had the same result (with the same people, I might add) the next day at Rena's birthday party. I just think you should know in advance that I will NOT be giving you a dollar every time you play waitress at home. Your 'tip' at my house will be a sticker. Or a hug. Sorry for the letdown.

Love,
Mom


Dear Charley,

One of my favorite things about you is the fact that you march to the beat of your own drum. You sing at the top of your lungs, simply because you can. Your music of choice ranges from Cher, to Zac Brown Band, to Kesha and at times I wonder what your teachers would think if you started singing at school the way you sing at home...or in the car...or in the grocery store. You're charismatic, charming, and easy to adore. You're so bright, and the things you say are genuinely hilarious and you always keep me laughing. Sometimes I repeat the things you say, because they're so funny. There's no need to feel self-concious or embarrassed any time I tell someone a story about something you've said. Ever. When you make comments like, "Don't tell anyone I said that," or, "Don't tell anybody I did that. It can just be a Mommy-Charley thing," I will tell you the same thing every time. "I won't repeat that, because you asked me not to. But you don't need to be embarrassed by the things you say that make me laugh. You should be proud of them. And I love you."

Love,
Mom