He's Just Not That Into You

I think the dating stuff is probably the most fun to write about, so today, I'm going to focus on that. Have you ever seen the movie, He's Just Not That Into You? I think every single man and woman on the planet would benefit from watching this movie at least once. I saw it in the theater, but that was several years ago, when I was still married. Now, as a single woman, I watched it again and I can completely relate to the message of the movie. If he wants to date you, he will make it happen. If he is interested he will pursue you. If he's not pursuing you, he's just not that into you. Simple as that. And guess what, men? It goes the same way for women. If I'm initiating text messages once in awhile, I might be interested. If you text me repeatedly, and I don't get back to you within a couple of hours....I'm not that into you. For the most part, in my dating experience, the latter has been my situation, but I've had guys who just aren't that into me, as well. The movie made it so clear cut. Let me fill you in on something, though, guys. The women in that movie are EXACTLY like women in real life. Except for my friend Rena, who usually says, "He's an a**. Don't talk to him anymore." She is frequently right, by the way.

When a guy doesn't call, a woman talks to her friends about it, and they all reassure her how great she is. It must be him. "He is intimidated by you, and doesn't think he deserves you." "He isn't in the right place to be dating anybody right now." " He definitely likes you, but he is scared." Yup, most women have said these things, and we truly believe they're true. But they're not! He's not too busy to call, and he didn't lose your number. If a guy wants to date you, he will do everything he can to make it happen. He will make time for you. He might play games, but ultimately, he will make it happen. There are always the exceptions, and the problem many women have is that we think we're the exception. But we're the rule.

Now, that might sound negative, but taking this approach to dating can actually be helpful. It prevents the constant "checking to see if he called," issues. If he called, great. If not...NEXT (as my friend Janine would say). She has been a guiding force in my dating life, because she had her share of dating experience, back in the day, and she KNOWS men. Especially the type of men I'm into. For some reason, I'm drawn to a guy in uniform...Not a Dominoes Pizza uniform, but a real uniform....Cops, military  men, firefighters...I don't know what it is, but it's been a thing for me. And they always seem to track me down! Janine is the expert, though. If I send her a text, she can predict a man's next move with surprising accuracy. She hasn't been wrong yet. She's also great because she will straight up say, "He's not interested," or, "Might be worth waiting out." Like I said, she hasn't been wrong yet.

So, I went off on a bit of a tangent there, but let's get back on track. I've recently dated a guy who is totally what I'm looking for. Smart, responsible, respectful, has a great job... he takes me on creative dates, brings me flowers...the whole shebang! He is totally into me. What's the problem? I'm not attracted to him at all. He isn't unattractive, but the spark isn't there. I've had a few friends encourage me to give him a couple dates, because that can grow. I disagree. I think there's an initial spark or there isn't, and I almost feel guilty if I keep going on dates with him. He hasn't so much as held my hand in four dates, but he's told me he likes me. I'm not into leading people on...He's just so nice, I don't know how to let him know I'm just not into him. Then I've got another guy who wants to go out with me tomorrow, and all I can think about is the fact that I could never date a man named Howie... Plus, he's not a man in uniform ;) Funny side note: I've dated a Nick, Brian, AJ, and could potentially date a Howie. For all of my girlfriends who were/are boy band fans, you know I'm a Kevin away from dating the Backstreet Boys! Ha!

Well, again, off on a tangent. But I have to ask myself...why am I not into men that have everything I need? It's because I like a challenge. I like when men push me and challenge me. When they question what I say. It's not like I enjoy when they are a**holes, but I like a guy with a bit of an edge. A genuinely nice guy, who can put me on the spot and make me think. I suppose that has to do with my personality. I like challenges! That's why I miss teaching in the regular classroom. My classroom was always packed full of misfits, and difficult children, but I loved every minute of it because it made me think on my feet! I take the same approach to dating that I did to teaching.

Back to the topic. Watch the movie. Plain and simple. Men, it will help you to understand women. We're not crazy. We are just listening to our girlfriends. Women, it's true. If he doesn't get in touch with you, he's just not that interested. And that's okay. Because SOMEONE will be, and when it's right, you'll know it. At least that's what I keep telling myself. I'll wait it out. And I will be somebody's exception.

P.S. I'm wondering if I should write a post about teaching. From  the kid Janine and I found lying on the blacktop in 110 degree weather wearing 8 layers of clothes, to my classroom of misfits (ANY of my coworkers from Lynch can vouch for that), it could provide some entertainment. Thoughts?