Cheers to 2015!

So, it's 8:00 on New Year's Eve, and what am I doing? Blogging. Charley and I had plans tonight, but when I had to pick her up from school sick on Monday, I opted to cancel. Now, of course she's been totally fine all day, but I suppose it was probably the responsible thing to do, staying home. I mean, nobody wants a sick kid at a party! Anyway, we had a pretty nice evening. We made pizzas, had a dance party (at her request...she wanted to dance to Usher's Scream...awesome parenting, I know), played Memory (yes, she beat me again), and settled in to watch Frozen. I think the movie was about 20 minutes in, before she fell asleep in her play room. I stayed up there and watched the movie for a little bit longer, because, honestly, I think it's a great movie. I've known all the songs for months, and my students have been borderline obsessed with it for the last year, but I never sat down to watch it until a couple of days ago. As a bit of a Disney snob (I'm partial to the classics), I was admittedly impressed. I like it. I'll probably watch it again. Ha!

Anyway, seeing as it's New Year's Eve, I suppose I should reflect on the last year and make some resolutions for the next year. It might get a little bit lengthy, but you've been forewarned. I'd like to reflect on the last couple of years though, because as time goes on, I can see myself changing into the person I actually want to be. I'll start with 2012...

 2012 was a life changing year for me. I had to come to the realization that my marriage was over, and move on with my life. While the breakup was terrible for me, I think part of that was due to the circumstances, but the other part of that was due to the fact that it was my first breakup...ever. I never knew what it was like to end things with someone, and have that feeling that things would never be the same. It was without a doubt, the most difficult, life changing year I've experienced so far. But it also jumpstarted some things in my life. While I had great friends in Vegas, I had no family out there and it never quite felt like home. In 2012, I moved home, into a place of my own, for the first time in my life. I'd never been without a roommate or spouse, so it was a totally new experience for me. I wasn't exactly rolling in money, when  I was in Vegas, but at least I was splitting the bills. When I moved out on my own, my household income was essentially cut in half, and the amount I was expected to pay every month basically doubled. Talk about a humbling experience. But I figured it out and made it work, and I'm so grateful for that experience, looking back. I learned how I deal with personal and financial pressures (not well at the time), and finally learned to stand my ground.

2013 was a year of personal growth. While 2012 was filled with trauma, emotional scars, and financial difficulties, 2013 was the year that I dealt with all of those issues. I dated a lot, for the first time in my life. I met a lot of great people, and a lot of not so great people. But I needed the experience. It only took me a couple of months to realize that I'm a terrible serial dater. I spent a long time kind of feeling like I wasn't a priority in my marriage, and when men were so quick to make me a priority, it honestly freaked me out. I guess I thought that making me the center of their world right away indicated that they just wanted a girlfriend...not me in particular. And I wasn't used to all of the attention from different directions. I didn't really (and still don't) like it.  It just goes to show that, at the time, I wasn't emotionally ready to settle down. I wanted to be...but I wasn't. Meanwhile, I started a business with a close friend and my step-dad in 2013. It was such an exciting venture, and I couldn't wait to make it a success. Unfortunately, an awful lot of circumstances hit right around the time we were trying to get it off the ground, and it didn't work out. That was really hard for me. I don't like letting people down, and I know that I wasn't able to do what I'd hoped I could do with the business. It wasn't a good feeling. I finally had some closure with the business in 2014, and I'm very grateful for that. While I wish it had turned out differently, I definitely learned from the experience. On a more positive note, 2013 brought about a wonderful job opportunity for me, too. I started working in the classroom again, and I don't think the job could have come up at a better time for me. I needed it. Not just financially... I needed everything about the job. Challenges, laughter, thinking on my feet...It definitely was meant to be, for me.

2014 was a year of settling in. I learned a lot about myself in 2013, but 2014 is when I did most of my mental processing. Yes, I'm a teacher, I process EVERYTHING. I took risks. I figured out who I am right now, and who I want to be, and started to make changes. I made new friendships. I learned to listen to what others have to say, and consider their opinions...but ultimately stand by my decisions. I mean, I've never been an idiot, but there have been many times in my life where I allowed myself to be treated like a doormat, in both personal and professional settings, simply to keep the peace. I now try to take a more diplomatic approach to discussions. Hear all sides, then come to a conclusion and actually VOICE my opinion. I still have my peacemaker moments, but that's something for me to work on in the next year. 2014 was the year in which I took a chance and moved away from everybody I'm close to. I kind of ventured off on my own, with Charley, and started a new life. My mom asks me sometimes if I'm lonely, living so far away from the girlfriends I grew up with. Honestly, there are times when I wish I lived closer...and of course I wish I could see my friends more often...but I'm really happy living outside of the city. It's strange, even when I was married and living in Vegas, I had visions of living in Forest Lake (which is TOTALLY random, because at the time I had legitimately no ties there)...maybe that's why I wasn't completely surprised to get the teaching job in Forest Lake...kind of like it was meant to be. Anyway, back to my point...I like it here. In fact, I'll probably end up moving further north (i.e. further from the cities) this summer. While I love my neighborhood, and EVERYTHING about it, I now have two jobs that are considerably north of where I live, and I have to backtrack to pick up Charley when I'm going between the two jobs. So, logistically, it just makes sense to move north. Now, of course that's not as easy as it sounds...The rental properties are slim pickings...but I know the right place will come along at the right time. Back to settling in... I also left a wonderful coaching job this year, and found another coaching job that's just as fantastic. I've always felt at home in the gym, regardless of where I've worked. Sometimes it takes parents and coaches awhile to warm up to a new coach, but I've been very lucky here in Minnesota. At both gyms I've been embraced quickly, and had really fantastic experiences. I certainly feel lucky to have come across my current coaching job, because I'm really getting to coach competitive girls again, and that's exciting for me. It challenges me, and I certainly do enjoy a challenge! I'm also working with wonderful coaches and parents, so I definitely feel settled in that gym. I guess the most important thing I accomplished in 2014 is that I finally began to feel like I became ME, if that makes any sense. I'm going to get all cheesy here, and relate it back to Frozen, but  there's a line 'Conceal, don't feel, don't let them know...' I think I spent a lot of my mid-20s concealing how I felt about a lot of things, but I'm past that. I've also learned to let go of the past and move forward. And that's exactly what I plan to do in 2015. Have a safe and wonderful New Year!

For those of you interested in my Frozen reference... Ha! Seriously, though, I know it's been way overplayed, but the message is awesome... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L0MK7qz13bU

***Since this post wasn't very much about Charley, I thought I'd include some of my favorite pics from the last year :) Enjoy!

Blown Away

This time of year has brought about mixed emotions for me, the last couple of years. I love the holidays. From the cheesy Christmas carols to the 8 million pictures of kids with Santa on Facebook, I love it all. It's wonderful. It's also very stressful. I remember Charley's first Christmas. It was the first year that I had a salaried job, and the first time that it was important to me to have a Christmas tree. Charley would've been happy with a cardboard box as a gift, but that year I was able to give her quite a few wonderful things. I was able to give to my friends and family, too. I've always liked giving better than receiving, and that year I was able to give. It felt great, to know that I could actually give my friends and family gifts they enjoyed. Fast forward three years later, and I am in a totally different position. I made a point to give Charley the best Christmas possible. Everything extra went to her. Which meant I wasn't able to give how I would've liked, to the rest of the people in my life. I know people understand. It's just a phase in my life, and at some point (hopefully soon), I will be able to give the way that I would like. But for now, it's just not possible. So, for me, just like for many of my students, Christmas can be stressful.

I'm not a terribly materialistic person. Yes, I grew up in Edina, and yes, I understand that where I grew up brings with it a certain stereotype. I had an amazing, blessed childhood in many ways.  And, as my sister and I like to say, we always had great Christmases. Presents and excitement were never lacking. I'd like to replicate that childhood experience for Charley, but I've accepted that her life will be different from mine. She will never again live in a home with both of her parents together, opening presents on Christmas morning. The holidays, and life in general will be different for her. She'll spend time with other families at night, because I coach several evenings a week. But all of that's okay, because she is safe, loved, and always taken care of. I can't provide the lifestyle I once lived, but I can provide a loving, supportive household, and I try my best to do that. And I want her to value friendships, relationships, family, and experiences more than material belongings. That's always been how I've tried to live my life. Anyway, all of this has a point, I promise...

Christmas Eve Dinner :)

I've always surrounded myself with good people. I pride myself on that. And since I've been back in Minnesota, I've been surprised every year by the generosity of my friends and family when the holidays roll around. This year was no exception. No, that's not true. It was exceptional. In a wonderful way. Like I said before, I was not really able to give much to others this year, including my family. But I was literally blown away by the generosity Charley and I were surrounded by this year. My family made sure we were both well taken care of, when it came to gifts, and Charley had plenty of things to open. I think that's the most important part to children, right? But the generosity began before Christmas, for Charley and me. Sunday night, I got a text from the woman who watches Charley while I coach. "The kids wanted to get Charley a Christmas present! Can she open it when she gets here tomorrow night?" That was so nice, and unexpected. And the surprises continued. I got a message from one of my best friends, asking me, "Can you pick something up at the Target in Forest Lake tomorrow?" I thought it was kind of a weird question, because she doesn't live anywhere near Forest Lake, but I just went with it, and replied, "Of course!" She told me it was just something she'd wanted to do for me for a long time, and Christmas seemed like the right time. So, Monday, during my lunch break, I made a quick run to Target to pick up my mystery gift. Imagine my surprise, when the customer service rep came to the counter with a KEURIG! I was shocked. Nobody had ever done something like that for me before.  It was totally unexpected, and I nearly broke down in tears when I got back to my car. She wanted to do something for me, just because she knew I could use it. "Having a Keurig is like having someone make your coffee for you in the morning. It just makes life so much easier," she said. "I know it's not easy to be in your position, and I wanted to give you something that would make your mornings easier." I won't lie, it's been amazing to push a button and have my coffee ready and waiting for me every morning... That was enough of a wonderful surprise for a lifetime for me, but the giving didn't end there. I got to the gym Monday evening, and my boss pulled out a bag that's bigger than Charley, filled with gifts for both of us, to put under the tree. I didn't even know what to say. I've been at this gym for less than two months, and I already feel like part of the family.

All I can say is that this holiday season, I feel blessed. Not because of the material gifts I've received, but because I have the most wonderful people in my life. I've gotten countless holiday cards from my favorite people. Charley and I spent our Christmas (and the days prior) with family and friends. We shared laughs and ridiculous amounts of food. I had the chance to actually put up a Christmas tree, and start some new traditions with Charley. I got to watch her face light up, when she walked down the stairs and saw presents under the tree. When I gave her the one gift I'd said was from me, she walked up to me without saying a word, hugged me closely, and said, "This is the best present ever. I love you, Mommy." She then proceeded to try to give me one of her other presents, as a present from her to me. The fact that she wanted to give something to me showed me that, when it comes to her, I'm doing something right. We spent the day with family, and the evening with friends. There's really not much better than that in life. So...yes, the holidays are stressful. But they're wonderful. They bring out an incredible side to people. And I'm fortunate to have the best of the best people in my life. Merry Christmas!

The Aftermath...

It's been so long since I've blogged about dating (probably because I like to keep the more meaningful things in that area to myself), but I've found, in the last week, that my friends and co-workers seem to find it amusing to live vicariously through me. Perhaps they just find it amusing that people can be so ridiculous, and they are just glad that they're not dealing with the nonsense I have to entertain. I had so many people last week comment on reading my blog post about my coffee date. People who said things like, "My husband's a mess, but I'm SO glad I'm not in your shoes." Ha! I agree... there are many times when I wasn't in my own shoes. I had one friend, upon hearing that my mom was watching Charley on Saturday night, say, "What do you have planned? Another hot date? " Ummm... not so much. "What did you say to this guy?" people asked me. "How did you tell him you weren't interested?" Well... I didn't. I'm ashamed to say that I avoided him, instead of directly addressing the awkward texting fiasco that I'd experienced last weekend. That is, of course, until this weekend rolled around.

I went all week without hearing from this guy, so I kind of assumed he'd gotten the hint. Then, on Friday morning, I got a text that said, I need to see you soon. Please and thank you... I chose not to respond. Friday evening, I received a text asking what I was up to over the weekend.  I did respond, and said I had a holiday party to go to on Saturday night. It was true! I didn't end up going to the party, because it was so far from my house, and after the last week at work (my co-workers know what I'm talking about), I honestly just needed to be by myself and get some sleep. Anyway, after I said I had a party to go to, he replied, Holiday party? Need a date? WHOA! No. I will not bring a man I've met once who didn't exactly make a good first impression to meet some of my oldest, dearest friends. I told him it was an invite-only party. That was my only lie, I promise. He continued to text, and I finally told him, in not so many words, that he wasn't the one for me. I didn't get a response. Until 2:30 in the morning. Are you awake? the text said. I almost wrecked some dipshit just now...and want to talk to someone and calm down. Ok, now I tend to be a nice person (I told my friend Katie that I might have to be mean to this guy, and she insisted I don't have a mean bone in my body...ha!), and I give everyone the benefit of the doubt. But this was ridiculous. Not only did his text wake me up (which I didn't exactly appreciate...don't interrupt my beauty sleep...it's not pretty), but it also indicated several reasons why this guy is single. First of all, why is a guy in his 30s getting into bar fights at 2:30 a.m.? Secondly, if he was that upset, why would he ask ME...a girl he'd met ONE TIME to talk him through it.  Clearly, we're not in the same place in life and DEFINITELY not on the same page. I did not respond to his late night text, and the next morning I blocked his number. Enjoy the laugh, I'm sure it's amusing...I can't help but laugh... I seem to be a magnet for this type of guy. But they repel me quickly. And they are exactly why I hate dating. Ha!

Charley spent the night at my mom's yesterday, and I probably should've gone out last night. I haven't really had that opportunity in over a month. But the last month has gone by so quickly, I really just needed some time for myself. I got some holiday shopping done, and picked up some groceries. I had intentions of making my grandma's famous pumpkin bread, so I picked up the ingredients, along with a few other things I planned to cook for the week. Without Charley home, it's much easier to do meal prep! Anyway, I got home and discovered I didn't have enough sugar (who runs out of sugar?!) to make the pumpkin bread, and I couldn't find the recipe for the soup I'd intended to make. As I told my friend Kellie on the phone later, at that point, I just said, "I give up," and opted to take a nap. After my nap, I had a great phone conversation with my friend, listened to music, and just relaxed for hours before going to bed. It was heavenly.

This morning, I picked up my princess, who seems to have developed a cold that has her nose running like a faucet. But she was glad to see me, and we had fun around the house this afternoon. She fell asleep just after dinner, and I'm hoping the extra sleep will ward off the germs! With the holidays just around the corner, my students can be a bit of a mess, and I really don't want to miss school if I can avoid it! On that note, have a great week everyone!

Coffee Dates and Gymnastics Meets... I Prefer the Latter

I can't believe I'm sitting down to write right now...It's nearly 10:00 on Sunday night, and I had an incredibly busy weekend! But I don't think I'll be asleep for another half an hour or so, so I suppose I might as well blog a little bit. The last week was crazy. I coached 3 nights, and the girls I work with competed over the weekend. That meant practices were very much about preparing the finishing touches for the meet, and making sure all of the girls' routines looked put together. They looked great in practice, and they did really well in the meet. I was proud, and very grateful for the chance to work with these girls. They're hard workers and they genuinely want to learn. I can't say enough about how much I enjoy them!

Now, I know yesterday was a Saturday, but as per usual, Charley woke me up bright and early. We met my friend for breakfast in Roseville, before I dropped Charley off at my mom's for a little while so she could see her for the first time in a few weeks. Given the fact that I had a little bit of time to myself, I did something I haven't done in a long time. A LONG time...I went on a date. I wasn't really that excited about it, because I knew prior to the date that the guy, although very attractive, wasn't exactly my type. I'm not talking physically here...I just mean I had an inkling going into the date that he and I weren't really on the same page. But he's been pestering me for awhile to let him take me out, so I finally agreed to coffee. It was kind of nice to have someone so eager to take me out, but I was skeptical. Anyway, we met up for coffee, and it was nice.  We talked about the typical first-date stuff, like where we grew up, what we do for fun, etc. There were a couple of red flags, particularly when he talked about how all his friends were married, and doing married people stuff all the time, so he never had anyone to hang out with. I get that. I mean, most of my friends are married or in relationships, and I'm not. But I'm not mad at them for finding happiness, as he appeared to be. In fact, I really appreciate the fact that they've found the right people. That makes me happy! But he seemed to be a little bitter about it. He also made some comments that were a little bit immature.  He's older than I am, so I guess I'd expected something different in terms of maturity level. Oh, well. When we finished our drinks, we walked to a nearby bookstore so he could pick out a card for a wedding he would be attending that evening. He walked me to my car and hugged me goodbye (yes, I intentionally parked in a VERY public setting, so he wouldn't be tempted to lean in for an awkward kiss or anything...ha!). Overall, the date was fine. It was nice to have someone so excited to see me and take me out. But honestly, there was no chemistry.

Apparently, however, that feeling wasn't mutual. Later in the day, I got a series of texts asking what I was up to, what I'd thought of him, etc. I found that interesting, because I'd made it very clear that I am put-off by people wanting to know what I'm up to all the time...Particularly early on...I know he was just trying to be nice (and perhaps was feeling a little bit insecure), and one text later in the day would've been just fine. But he wanted to talk all day. And some of the texts were...well...stupid. "Do you wanna flirt?" he asked me at one point. "Not really," I replied. Clearly he thought I was joking and attempted to continue the conversation, but I chose not to respond. I wasn't feeling it. He's a nice guy, but based on our conversation at coffee, and his constant texting afterwards, he clearly didn't listen to what I had to say. I guess I just got the impression that he wants to settle down...with anybody... Or have a fling. And I'm not going to be either of those people. I guess, what I got out of the experience was the fact that yes, of course it is nice to have someone chase me and take me out. It is nice to be pursued. But ultimately, if there's no substance to it, it's not really worth pursuing.

On a totally unrelated note, Charley and I went to watch the girls I work with compete last night. There were competitions on Friday and Saturday. I couldn't make it on Friday, but decided to hang around in Minneapolis on Saturday, so I could watch the girls compete. They were very nervous, but definitely excited to perform. There were a couple of falls here and there, and a few mistakes, but overall they did a great job. I was very proud of them. I wasn't working the meet, so I had to stay behind certain barriers, but I found myself coaching from the sidelines. I really can't help it...It's like the impulsive side of my ADHD...When I see an error, I have to correct it, and I have to do it immediately! Ha! I sat with the parents, and was able to explain the scoring to them a little bit. I think it was helpful to them, because I imagine if someone doesn't know about gymnastics, they probably just look for straight legs and pointed toes, and think it was a clean routine so it should score well. Unfortunately, there are so many more things that go into scoring, and most of them can be difficult to understand. So, it was nice to be able to explain it to them directly after the event, before I forgot! Anyway, I'm glad I went, and in spite of the fact that Charley was not on her best behavior (I blame the fact that she has a cold), it was a really great evening. On that note, it's late now, so I'm heading to bed. Goodnight!