Cheers to 2015!

So, it's 8:00 on New Year's Eve, and what am I doing? Blogging. Charley and I had plans tonight, but when I had to pick her up from school sick on Monday, I opted to cancel. Now, of course she's been totally fine all day, but I suppose it was probably the responsible thing to do, staying home. I mean, nobody wants a sick kid at a party! Anyway, we had a pretty nice evening. We made pizzas, had a dance party (at her request...she wanted to dance to Usher's Scream...awesome parenting, I know), played Memory (yes, she beat me again), and settled in to watch Frozen. I think the movie was about 20 minutes in, before she fell asleep in her play room. I stayed up there and watched the movie for a little bit longer, because, honestly, I think it's a great movie. I've known all the songs for months, and my students have been borderline obsessed with it for the last year, but I never sat down to watch it until a couple of days ago. As a bit of a Disney snob (I'm partial to the classics), I was admittedly impressed. I like it. I'll probably watch it again. Ha!

Anyway, seeing as it's New Year's Eve, I suppose I should reflect on the last year and make some resolutions for the next year. It might get a little bit lengthy, but you've been forewarned. I'd like to reflect on the last couple of years though, because as time goes on, I can see myself changing into the person I actually want to be. I'll start with 2012...

 2012 was a life changing year for me. I had to come to the realization that my marriage was over, and move on with my life. While the breakup was terrible for me, I think part of that was due to the circumstances, but the other part of that was due to the fact that it was my first breakup...ever. I never knew what it was like to end things with someone, and have that feeling that things would never be the same. It was without a doubt, the most difficult, life changing year I've experienced so far. But it also jumpstarted some things in my life. While I had great friends in Vegas, I had no family out there and it never quite felt like home. In 2012, I moved home, into a place of my own, for the first time in my life. I'd never been without a roommate or spouse, so it was a totally new experience for me. I wasn't exactly rolling in money, when  I was in Vegas, but at least I was splitting the bills. When I moved out on my own, my household income was essentially cut in half, and the amount I was expected to pay every month basically doubled. Talk about a humbling experience. But I figured it out and made it work, and I'm so grateful for that experience, looking back. I learned how I deal with personal and financial pressures (not well at the time), and finally learned to stand my ground.

2013 was a year of personal growth. While 2012 was filled with trauma, emotional scars, and financial difficulties, 2013 was the year that I dealt with all of those issues. I dated a lot, for the first time in my life. I met a lot of great people, and a lot of not so great people. But I needed the experience. It only took me a couple of months to realize that I'm a terrible serial dater. I spent a long time kind of feeling like I wasn't a priority in my marriage, and when men were so quick to make me a priority, it honestly freaked me out. I guess I thought that making me the center of their world right away indicated that they just wanted a girlfriend...not me in particular. And I wasn't used to all of the attention from different directions. I didn't really (and still don't) like it.  It just goes to show that, at the time, I wasn't emotionally ready to settle down. I wanted to be...but I wasn't. Meanwhile, I started a business with a close friend and my step-dad in 2013. It was such an exciting venture, and I couldn't wait to make it a success. Unfortunately, an awful lot of circumstances hit right around the time we were trying to get it off the ground, and it didn't work out. That was really hard for me. I don't like letting people down, and I know that I wasn't able to do what I'd hoped I could do with the business. It wasn't a good feeling. I finally had some closure with the business in 2014, and I'm very grateful for that. While I wish it had turned out differently, I definitely learned from the experience. On a more positive note, 2013 brought about a wonderful job opportunity for me, too. I started working in the classroom again, and I don't think the job could have come up at a better time for me. I needed it. Not just financially... I needed everything about the job. Challenges, laughter, thinking on my feet...It definitely was meant to be, for me.

2014 was a year of settling in. I learned a lot about myself in 2013, but 2014 is when I did most of my mental processing. Yes, I'm a teacher, I process EVERYTHING. I took risks. I figured out who I am right now, and who I want to be, and started to make changes. I made new friendships. I learned to listen to what others have to say, and consider their opinions...but ultimately stand by my decisions. I mean, I've never been an idiot, but there have been many times in my life where I allowed myself to be treated like a doormat, in both personal and professional settings, simply to keep the peace. I now try to take a more diplomatic approach to discussions. Hear all sides, then come to a conclusion and actually VOICE my opinion. I still have my peacemaker moments, but that's something for me to work on in the next year. 2014 was the year in which I took a chance and moved away from everybody I'm close to. I kind of ventured off on my own, with Charley, and started a new life. My mom asks me sometimes if I'm lonely, living so far away from the girlfriends I grew up with. Honestly, there are times when I wish I lived closer...and of course I wish I could see my friends more often...but I'm really happy living outside of the city. It's strange, even when I was married and living in Vegas, I had visions of living in Forest Lake (which is TOTALLY random, because at the time I had legitimately no ties there)...maybe that's why I wasn't completely surprised to get the teaching job in Forest Lake...kind of like it was meant to be. Anyway, back to my point...I like it here. In fact, I'll probably end up moving further north (i.e. further from the cities) this summer. While I love my neighborhood, and EVERYTHING about it, I now have two jobs that are considerably north of where I live, and I have to backtrack to pick up Charley when I'm going between the two jobs. So, logistically, it just makes sense to move north. Now, of course that's not as easy as it sounds...The rental properties are slim pickings...but I know the right place will come along at the right time. Back to settling in... I also left a wonderful coaching job this year, and found another coaching job that's just as fantastic. I've always felt at home in the gym, regardless of where I've worked. Sometimes it takes parents and coaches awhile to warm up to a new coach, but I've been very lucky here in Minnesota. At both gyms I've been embraced quickly, and had really fantastic experiences. I certainly feel lucky to have come across my current coaching job, because I'm really getting to coach competitive girls again, and that's exciting for me. It challenges me, and I certainly do enjoy a challenge! I'm also working with wonderful coaches and parents, so I definitely feel settled in that gym. I guess the most important thing I accomplished in 2014 is that I finally began to feel like I became ME, if that makes any sense. I'm going to get all cheesy here, and relate it back to Frozen, but  there's a line 'Conceal, don't feel, don't let them know...' I think I spent a lot of my mid-20s concealing how I felt about a lot of things, but I'm past that. I've also learned to let go of the past and move forward. And that's exactly what I plan to do in 2015. Have a safe and wonderful New Year!

For those of you interested in my Frozen reference... Ha! Seriously, though, I know it's been way overplayed, but the message is awesome... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L0MK7qz13bU

***Since this post wasn't very much about Charley, I thought I'd include some of my favorite pics from the last year :) Enjoy!