Baby Steps or Giant Leaps?

So, tonight Charley and I went out to dinner with an old friend of mine. This particular friend is one I've known since grade school, but we didn't really become close until I moved back to MN from Las Vegas. She's very sweet and supportive, and she is one of Charley's biggest fans, so naturally Charley adores her, too! Anyway, as we spoke tonight, she mentioned that she'd  glanced at several of my old blog posts a little while back, and she can't believe how drastically my life (and my blog) have changed, in such a short time. "I was reading about your online dating stories, and you're just not in that 'date around' place at all anymore. It feels like all that was so long ago!" she stated.  She's absolutely right.
I'm no longer interested in meeting dozens of people, and going out on lots of dates. I can't think of anything that sounds more exhausting and deplorable. At this point, I recognize that I've grown up. I'm ready to settle down. And as much as I'd like to forget some of my dating trials and tribulations of the last year and a half, I also need to acknowledge that even the worst moments served a purpose.

This all comes up, because my conversation with my friend prompted me to glance back at some of my first blog posts. I can't believe how many things I'd forgotten about writing down (some are slightly embarrassing)...and experiencing! It's like a running joke in my family that my sisters and I remember everything. EVERYTHING. Down to specific statements someone else made 15 years ago. Positive or negative, we remember it all. Don't try to tell my sister Kelsey you didn't say something, because she will not only be able to tell you word-for-word what you said, but she will also tell you what you were wearing, who else was there, etc...My memory is good, but hers is ridiculous. So it surprised me to look back at some of my posts, and see that there were SO many things that have happened in the past year that I didn't remember. I take that to mean they weren't as important, because I tend to remember the important things. So, I guess it's kind of nice for my own sake to keep this blog. It kind of gives me a chance to chronicle my life, and the opportunity to compare my past and present states of mind. It is funny, too, because I was at a very different point in my life, and that is evident in my writing. I guess I would like to call the initial phase of my blog my transitional phase. Now, I've moved into much more of a settled mode. What brought that on? A desire for self-improvement. I've always been a 'fixer' and tried to make things better or easier for everybody else in my life. But when I actually re-examined MYSELF and looked for how I could make my life more fulfilling, I came across a quote that seemed fitting: 

"Your life will improve only when you take small chances, and the first and most difficult chance you can take is to be honest with yourself." 

Several months ago, when I was attempting to run GO! Gymnastics as a full-time job, I was struggling. I found myself so concerned about making ends meet, that I couldn't focus. I couldn't get anything done or be productive, because I was overwhelmed. When I was honest with myself, and determined that I needed to start looking for full-time jobs, suddenly, I felt the pieces fall into place. I took a risk, and applied for a teaching job...My first time in a face-to-face, special education setting since 2007 (although I guess many would say my classroom of misfits at Lynch could qualify as special education... Ha!). It was a chance. And a chance I'm so glad I decided to take. It's not just that I wanted the job at the school... I NEEDED it. I craved the structure, daily routine, and consistent paycheck. It was the right job, at the right time, and I feel fortunate to have a job that I love.

Now, with all of that said, since I started teaching in the classroom again, I feel like my life has come together. At this point, I have a few loose ends, but for the most part, I feel like I'm on the right track. I didn't get into the house Charley and I loved (I just couldn't commit to a May 15th move in date), but there's another home in the same community that's available July 1, so I have the potential of moving at that point. I can't wait to move, and get settled in a new home. I take that back... I LOATHE the whole moving process...but I can't wait to get settled in.  I'm looking forward to living outside of the cities a bit, and getting more involved in my community. With that said, part of me hopes a home in my desired community becomes available early to mid-June, because I'm anxious to make the move! Sorry, sidetracked a little....I was saying, I feel like my life is on the right track. I'm becoming more assertive, and standing up for things, where I might have backed down in the past. I'm finding that I actually ENJOY simple things like walking around the block with Charley when it's nice out. Charley continues to be well-adjusted and hilarious, so I guess I'm doing alright in the parenting department. My life is far from perfect, but after looking back and reading about my last year, it's clear to me that all of the steps I've made toward self-improvement, no matter how insignificant they might have been individually, have translated into giant leaps in terms of where I am in life right now. I'm glad I've started to take chances. With no risk, there's no reward. So, I will continue to take small chances, and see where they lead me. So far, so good! Goodnight!