I haven't really been writing two days in a row, but a topic has come up in conversation several times the last few days that has really made me think. Anybody who knows me well, knows that I'm very self reflective. I make decisions every day, sometimes good decisions, sometimes bad decisions. But regardless of whether they are positive or negative, I think about all of the things I do, and consider why I do them. Anyway, this just leads into the discussion of what type of man I tend to go for (STOP READING, DAD!) and why I think I am drawn to a particular type.
I said a long time ago that I'm drawn to military men, cops, firefighters, etc. I'm not really sure why. I think it's the fact that I have a strong personality, and it takes a very particular type of man to challenge me. And I like being challenged. I'm also driven towards men with strong work ethics, and guys who are handy around the house. I think part of why those traits are so important to me, is because those are things I was lacking in my last relationship. For the last few years of my marriage, I wasn't challenged, and I'm not going to be ex-bashing here, but his work ethic was lacking. I like a guy who has goals, and wants to better himself. Not because I asked him to do it, but because he wants to do it for himself. That's a very attractive quality. I like men who are sarcastic, who give me a hard time, but also make an effort to show me they care. Genuinely nice guys, who have a little bit of an edge, but a softer side, too, that not everybody gets to see. Physically, I usually go for the tall, dark and handsome look. Men who are athletic, and usually have a baby face and some facial hair. Not gross, long facial hair, but I like the look of a little facial hair or stubble on a man. I also look for chemistry. There HAS to be chemistry.
As I self-reflect, I think about the things I have had in my past relationship, and the things I didn't have. I think much of my dating history since my divorce is based around that. As humans, when a relationship doesn't work with a person with certain traits, we naturally seek to avoid those traits in our next relationships. As I've explored this whole dating world, I've actually written a list of things I'm looking for in a man. Things like being a good father, challenging me, treating Charley as his own, stability without being boring, etc. are on my list. But as the months have progressed, that list has changed dramatically, because I've learned something from each person I even went on a date with. Some had traits that I was looking for, others showed me things that I maybe thought I wanted, but came to realize I didn't want at all. So, long story short... I think we have "types" based on past experiences. We learn about what we want, what we don't want, and what we can tolerate.
This whole topic came about, because in conversations with a few different girlfriends in the last week or so, there's been discussion about whether or not a person's physical type actually matters. I've come to the conclusion that it really doesn't. I mentioned earlier that I go for the tall, dark, and handsome type. Well... From my experience, the man I had the most chemistry didn't fit that description at all. He's a good looking man. But not really my type. And for some reason, he's the one I've compared everybody else to, because that chemistry couldn't really be denied, and it's not easy to replicate. Now, when I say this guy isn't physically my type, I was still physically attracted to him, and he IS my type in terms of personality. He definitely presented a challenge, and I enjoyed our back and forth banter. Clearly a connection can impact a lot of things, and override any potential typical "physical" types. One of my best girlfriends recently met a man, kind of in an unexpected way. He was going to help her with school, and it cracked me up, because she called me and let me know that she had met a guy who she had a weird connection with, but she wasn't sure she was physically attracted to him. "It's not that he's not good looking," she stated, "but he's not the type of guy I usually go for." Sure enough, they have gone on several dates, and she's found that she's got more chemistry with him than she had with almost any man she's been with! Another friend recently started dating an adorable tall, slender guy, with a baby face. They are so cute together. But again, he's totally not her typical type. She usually goes for big, burly men, with facial hair, and flannel shirts. Basically, typical MN men. And sure enough, she's happier than she's ever been, with someone who's totally not the type she goes for. One more girlfriend told me the other day, that she always thought she wanted someone sweet and romantic, who treated her like a princess. But as she's gotten older, she's realized that she's not sure she DOES want that. At this point, she wants a great man, but not necessarily someone who serenades her in the car. And the guy she compares every man to was, yet again, physically not her type at all. There's something to be said for chemistry. If it's there, it's there. If it's not, it's not. I've gone on dates with several men who were 100% my type. And I had no interest, because there was no chemistry!
All of this was running through my head while I was driving today, and out of the blue, Hunter Hayes' song, I Want Crazy, came on the radio. How fitting! There are a couple of lines in the song that completely describe what I'm feeling.
I don't want good, and I don't want good enough.
I want can't sleep, can't breathe without you love. ....
.... It doesn't make sense to anybody else, who cares if you're
all I think about. I've been across the world and I know now,
it ain't right, if you ain't lost your mind.
I don't want just another hug and a kiss good night,
catching up calls, and a date sometimes. ...
... We're the kind of crazy people wish that they could be.
I seriously could've written these lyrics. The idea of really falling in love is scary. Super intimidating. It means I'd actually have to be vulnerable and risk getting hurt. But I really do want that. Head over heels, totally dedicated, can't stop thinking about you love. Some people might judge me, and tell me that I'm setting my standards too high. That real love isn't like that. Well, I know love isn't perfect. I don't expect perfection. But I want that connection that nobody really understands...maybe that I don't even understand...but it's there, and it feels right.
Speaking of listening to music in the car, I am notorious for singing in the car. I apologize to any of my passengers, it's just a habit. I tend to pick up musical lyrics pretty quickly, and when I connect to a song, I have no shame in busting it out. I was driving by Lake Calhoun today, and One Direction's song, Kiss You, came blaring through the speakers. I cranked the music up, and sang along at the top of my lungs, shimmying and dancing the whole time. I looked to my right and left, and neither driver seemed to be paying any attention, so I kept on singing. Then I glanced across at the other side of the street, and a guy, who looked to be about my age, was laughing hysterically as I belted out one of many boy band tunes on my phone. I just nodded, smiled at him, gave him a little wink, and kept on singing. As a kid, I think I would've been like, "That chick is CRAZY." But I don't care! I'll sing proudly and make a fool of myself for the rest of my life. It's fun for me, and I apparently have a knack for entertaining my fellow drivers. You're welcome for that, MN drivers. So that brings me to a question. What is your, 'rock out in the car,' song? I tend to sing along to any boy bands, Lady Antebellum (watch out when Long Gone comes on...it can get loud), Zac Brown Band, and lately, Luke Bryan's That's My Kinda Night. Is there a song you belt out, without caring if anyone is watching?
On that note, goodnight!
No comments:
Post a Comment